Thursday, November 15, 2007

Why Didn't I Go To Target??

Today was one of those days that seemed like it would drag on for a week! I am still so tired from all my children having this nasty cold that they just keep passing back and forth like it's a bag a freaking candy! Go away already!
There was a silver lining in the day when my husband showed up home from work at about 2. He went and got Mikaily off the bus so I wouldn't have to. Then I hopped in the shower so I could get ready to go do some shopping. I had to go buy MORE clothes for my children. They were complaining about their ankles being cold in the morning. Picky picky. So, I figured I either needed to go buy them some pants that were the proper length or I needed to try to get my hands on some legwarmers.

So I was doing my hair and I hear my husband helping Mikaily study for her spelling test she has tomorrow. (Pretty sweet, right? That was one less thing I would have to do tonight!!) So I am putting gel in my hair (I have pretty curly hair and it is easiest to just stick some gel in it and let it dry and get all big and fluffy. You know how most women use shampoos and stuff to get more volume?? Well, I need a shampoo that will flatten mine!! Wait, this is not where this post is supposed to be headed.....back on track now) So I am putting gel in my hair and I hear my husband giving Mikaily a mock test.....

Through. We went through a tunnel. Through.
Strap. You strap yourself in to the car when you get in. Strap.
Clearing.(long pause) I can't think of a sentence that has the word clearing in it.
I chuckled a little. Ok, well maybe more than a little. He is so cute.

So I got myself ready and headed out for the mall. I love to shop. In fact, I may go as far to say that I am IN LOVE with shopping. Shopping, for anything from clothes to furniture to a car, makes me happy. Just to clarify.....There is one exclusion to this rule. I do NOT like grocery shopping!!

So I am on my way there and I get stopped at a red light....and then another.....and yet another. UGh! I'm not going to let that ruin my trip. So, while I am sitting at the 3rd red light the woman sitting in the passenger seat in the truck beside me flings open her door and and proceeds to hurl all over the ground. My immediate reaction is to reach over roll up my window. If this is some sort of super flu she has I do not want it to go flying through the air and land in my nose!! (I know, a little odd, but you never really know, ya know??)

So I continue on, trying to get the mental picture of the stranger losing her lunch out of my head! I get to the mall and head inside. I was not more than 20 steps inside when a women pops out in front of me, seemingly coming out of nowhere.
"Would you like to try a sample??" and she holds up a tiny cup with a little white blob of something or another in it.
"Ummm, no thank you." I was a woman on a mission. Bring on the baby clothes!!

I continued on and was walking down the hallway when a little man steps into my path.
"Are those your real nails?" he asks as he points to my fingers.
I smile and nodded, even though I wanted to say "No! I used some pliers and ripped these off of the old lady in the parking lot. Super glue works wonders!!" I walked around him and headed for the next store.

Before I could get there a petite young woman with beautiful, long hair asks "Can I ask you a question?" I said "No thanks!" and kept walking even though I should have said "Well, ya kinda did already, didn't you?"

I did my shopping and headed back down the hallway towards the end of the mall where my van was parked. The long haired beauty steps towards me, yet again, and says "Can I show you something about your hair?" I looked over and saw that she was selling Corioliss flatirons. I already have one. So, I say to her
"No thanks. I actually have one of these."

"Oh yeah, which kind do you have?" said like she didn't believe that I REALLY had one.
I rattled off the model type. She looked at me, cocked her head to the side a little bit, and with some disgust in her voice said "Then why don't you use it?"

OH NO SHE DIDN'T!! She was lucky I only had clothes in the bag I was carrying or I would have whacked her pretty little head with her perfectly styled hair right off her shoulders! I hope she burned herself while she was straightening her hair this morning!!!!

I just smiled and kept walking while mumbling a few choice words under my breath. Sheesh!!! No wonder I shop at Target! The only people you have to avoid there are the ones trying to get you to sign up for the Target Card at Christmas time.

I think maybe sometime I will take a suction dart gun with me and every time one of the salespeople try to stop me I will shoot a suction arrow smack dab in the middle of their forehead! Maybe if I do that enough I will get a reputation for being "the scary suction cup lady" and they will all cower when they see me coming. Muh-wah- haha!! Woah, ok that took a scary turn there for a second.

So anyways. Despite the rude salesgirl and the strange blob of white stuff I enjoyed my shopping. I got some great deals and my children will now have roasty toasty ankles! What more could a child ask for???


onthegomom said...

This cracked me up..."She was lucky I only had clothes in the bag I was carrying or I would have whacked her pretty little head with her perfectly styled hair right off her shoulders" TOO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot believe she had the nerve to say such a thing! Geesh.

Anonymous said...

I am so glad I read this. I really needed a good laugh. When did going to the mall turn into running the gauntlet? I especially love it when they try to stop me when I am pushing a stroller with two kids in it. And the part about the spelling words is classic.

Leah said...


My mostly successful plan of action when navigating the mall is to NEVER EVER EVER make eye contact with the people selling stuff, nor do I dare even GLANCE at the items in their "booths" as I pass. Avert eyes, pick up speed, reach for my cell phone, or SOMETHING in order to look busy. LOL!!

Glad you got what you needed despite all that!

Clearing. My husband has been clearing his throat for a full week now, due to a terrible cold that won't go away. Clearing.

hee hee

Be Inspired Always said...

Funny ! Thanks for the good laugh.

btw, thanks for visiting my blog.Right now there is a random drawing on going over there.


ummmhello said...

Thanks! That was great - you're really got me afraid of going Christmas shopping now. The samples, the people hatin' on fluffy hair (bc we non-straight-hair gals must stick together) Um, I think I'll just go to Target! :)

Family Adventure said...

How rude! Seriously...she's not going to get far in life with *that* attitude!

I'm glad you had a great time anyway. And your hubster sounds very cute indeed :)


utmomof5 said...

I was going to go the the mall tomorrow but maybe I will just head to Target. Old Navy is right next door so I can't miss.

You have officialy reminded me why I HATE the mall.


Lucille said...

Ha, ha - thanks for that reminder that the MALL is evil!

Yes, I agree - I will take TARGET (or Walgreens if you read my blog) over the malls!


Jill said...

I think you should have grabbed the flatiron, and used it on HER! Not that I am condoning violence or anything;)
Those kids who work in those booths really bug me. I'ts one of the reasons that I don't go to the mall anymore. I have become an online shopper. No crowds, no trying to find a place to park, I can shop in my jammies, and no one makes fun of my hair (at least no one outside of my house)

One Scrappy Gal said...

If you did the suction cup arrow thing, you would totally be my hero!! I'd sing your praises!!

girlymom said...

great story! I did some shopping this past weekend so I can relate! I felt so crushed by my oldest when I returned after a long day of stores...shoe shopping for her and after being in about 5 stores, returning shoes that were too small at 2 other stores, I finally find "the shoes" bring them home and she has the nerve to complain that the velcro strap that goes over her foot won't stay velcroed!! AHHHH- be grateful child or I will super glue it on!! The ridiculous child is walking fast on her toes causing the velcro straps to come undone. Needless to say, they did not go back to the store and she will not be getting new shoes for a LONG LONG time...squish those toes in!