Monday, November 5, 2007

B is for Boobie

I got up to take Mikaily to the bus stop this morning only to realize it was COLD outside!! Now when I say cold, I mean it was about 55 degrees out. But considering that only a few days ago we were still swimming here, 55 was a shock to the system! I scrambled to find her clothes that would be suitable for the cool morning, but not turn her into a roasted peanut by the afternoon. I grabbed a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and her little white cardigan. Luckily she is pretty skinny, so the jeans from last season buttoned but, ummm, they were kinda short.

So, after I sent her off on the bus in her high waters, I decided I should get my 3 others (my preschooler didn't go to school today)dressed and head off to Target to do some clothes shopping. It was amusing because the clothing section was PACKED from all of the other mothers that had procrastinated their "fall" clothes shopping.

For those of you who don't know me, I need to give you a little bit of background. I call Kyle, who is now 5, my "boobie baby." He nursed until he was 19 months and I think the only reason he weaned was because I was about ready to pop with my next child. I love nursing. I support breastfeeding. However, I never imagined I would breastfeed a baby THAT long. I have nursed none of my others past 6 months. So, why nurse Kyle so long?? Well, he was a boobie baby. He LOVES boobs. He loves touching them, he loves looking at them, he loves talking about them, I wouldn't be surprised if he dreams about them. When he gets hurt, I have to keep him from trying to lift my shirt up to snuggle with my boobs. At about 3 years old I had to start watching him like a hawk when he would sit on another females lap, because he would try to stick his hand down her shirt and "feel her up." He once spent 30 minutes staring at an article in a magazine about 50 different types of on real models included. When he was 4 his Sunday school teacher once told me he pulled his shirt up and showed her his boobs and then asked if he could see hers. I keep telling my husband, who thinks it's cute now, it won't be so cute when Kyle is 16 and the principal calls us because he is trying to get the girls to show him their boobs during gym.

So today in Target we were perusing the baby girl clothes and there was a very pregnant woman there. She was VERY curvy, if you get my drift. I bet you can guess where this story is headed. Unfortunately I was busy ogling over all the adorable clothes and didn't notice her before Kyle did. Rookie mistake.

"Hey mama!! Look at her. She is having a baby."
"Ohhh, yes, she is having a baby, isn't she?" I replied. I KNEW as soon as I looked at her and saw all her curviness and her, what I would consider inappropriately, low-cut shirt I was in trouble.
"Is her baby going to eat boobie??" (that's what he calls breastfeeding)
"Well, I'm not sure if she will. That is a private decision for her to make. Remember what I've told you about being rude??" At this point I was holding my breath and trying to usher my children quickly in the opposite direction and PRAYING the conversation would stop there. No luck.
"Her boobs are big like yours. Does she have milk in them?"
"She probably does. Mommies make milk in their boobs when they are getting ready to have a baby. But Kyle, what have I told you about staring at boobs?"
I looked over at the poor woman and she was not-so-convincingly pretending to not pay any attention to us. She kept her eyes fixed on the rack (Haha....I said rack) of clothes.
At this point I was now forcefully shoving my children in the opposite direction, as Kyle is saying loudly, "But, I LOVE boobies!"

This poor, poor girl. She innocently came to the store to do some (obviously last minute)shopping for her soon to be little bundle of joy and got a very realistic glimpse into what motherhood will be like 5 years down the road. I don't think I remember reading in any of the parenting books about how to handle your boob obsessed toddler.

I have said for a few years now I think they should send small groups of teenagers to spend a week with me. It will be the best form of birth control anyone could expose them to!!


utmomof5 said...

Holy crap I would have died right ther in the store!! That poor woman had no idea what was in store for her when she went to Target today.

Leah said...

OMIGOODNESS, I am laughing so hard right now. That is hilarious.

I think I'll take the boobie talk, though, truthfully, over the things my daughter put me through between the ages of 2-3.5 years old. When she was two, she announced to a full waiting room of people that "Mama poops!" And when she was 2.5 she interrupted a woman with very short hair to ask, "wait a minute, are you a man, or a lady?" And when she was 3, she LOUDLY pointed out a woman with a rather large backside. "WOW! LOOK AT THAT BIG TUSH!"

My point? I FEEL YOUR PAIN! It's amazing how quickly children think up something to say and SAY IT before we're even aware there's the potential for disaster. OY!

suburbancorrespondent said...

I'd send mine right down there, but there getting plenty of disincentive right here with their 4 younger siblings.

I remember my oldest used to love the Victoria's Secret catalog when he was a toddler. Actually, he'd probably love it now, too. But I don't want to think about that.

Rick said...

Maybe he has a calling to be a dairy farmer and this is only the beginning of a higher cause.

Funny post - keep an eye on that boy. :-)

onthegomom said...

OMGOSH, I am laughing so hard right now... that is just too funny. I mean not for you, by any means! But wow, that is just too funny...... I feel your pain!

Valarie said...

I have come to expect it from him. This was not nearly as embarassing as the when he felt up my sister-in-law (before she became my sister in law) the first time we met her.

HILLARY said...

HI! You stopped by my blog so I thought I'd stop by yours:)
This is toooo funny. He will probably always be a boob man. It's that whole instant gratification thing that hopefully he'll grow out of! It's never too young for the standards talk :) Maybe he should see the bishop. lol!!
Thanks for stopping by my blog. I'm gonna add you tom my roll. Have a great day!

Jamflam said...

OH NO! I'm so glad I stopped breastfeeding my son because that would just kill me!

How funny! Aren't kids great! You know these will be the best blackmail stories when he's in highschool and you want him to clean his room or mow the lawn!

Family Adventure said...

That is hilarious, Valarie!

I so know those situations when you know something inappropriate is coming, you try so hard to prevent it, and it happens anyway. You gotta take it with a sense of humour - like you do :)


girlymom said...

My daughter thinks the word BRA is hilarious and will use it at any inappropraite time available. All of my children when about 2 years old will hold a baby doll under their shirt and up to their boob to "feed" the baby! Monkey See Monkey Do! Thanks for checking out my blog! Your family sounds very familiar. We don't have 55 degrees though, more like 30-40, gotta love Michigan weather.

Debi said...

OMG that is soo funny and embarrassing, for you And the poor soon to be mommy haha!
I agree , teenagers should spend time with little kids if they are thinking they're ready to procreate.