Saturday, November 3, 2007

Sit, Fido. SIT!

I went to the grocery store tonight. I don't like having to go to the grocery store in general, but I HATE when I end up having to go on a Saturday. I don't like that I have to stand in line to walk down the isles. Plus, it seems like I always end up being behind the group of 6 adults shopping together that think they need to walk shoulder to shoulder and stop and look at EVERYTHING they pass. Come on! Some of us don't have 2 hours to stare at the jar of SMUCKERS Goobers peanut butter AND jelly and try to figure out how they get both of them into the same jar so neatly. Move over to the side or I may just have to amputate your feet with the front of my cart!!

Plus they never seem to have everything I need. That means that 3 days from now I am going to have to venture back out to the store for 1 or 2 things and end up buying 15 because they are on clearance and I walked past them. I am a sucker like that. Hey! You never know when you are going to need a 4 ft long gray wig or an extra bag of kitkats (even though you already have 11 pounds of candy sitting in your pantry!!) It's on clearance!!

I also always manage to end up in the checkout line that has the cashier that is a Chatty Cathy. I don't really care that you are named after your mothers best friends cousin. I don't care that you called the psychic hot line to get advice about your non-existent love life. Please don't share with me that you have a tickle in your throat and have been hacking up a lung while you are handling the food I will be feeding my family this week. I don't care that you haven't had a cigarette yet because your boss hasn't let you have a break. And PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not talk to me about how bad your cramps are because Aunt Flo is visiting!!! Less talk, more scan please. Ever heard of a blog?? You can vent on it! Try it sometime.

So the icing on my cake this evening actually happened when I first got to the store. I was soooo excited when I got to the parking lot and found a super duper close spot. SCORE!! I pulled in and noticed that the car parked on my driver's side had a teenage girl sitting in the front seat and a large dog in the backseat. The window was rolled down a couple inches in the back, but the dog didn't seem to be paying any attention to me. The girl looked over at me and smiled friendly. I didn't think twice about hopping right out. I love dogs. I have a big dog.

So, I got out of my car and took a step when "WOOF!!!" The dog lunged towards me, barking loudly. Now, there was no way this dog (that was roughly the size of a small horse)was fitting out that barely cracked window. Nevertheless, my reaction was to jump back, slamming myself into the side of my van, and screaming like, well, screaming like a dog the size of a small horse was lunging at me! I scooted out and to the back of my van and took a minute to regroup. I looked over and saw a young couple walking past and giggling at me. I waved and giggled a little back (although I was picturing the dog jumping out the window and heading straight for this bad-mannered couple and imagining them letting out the same horrified scream I had).

So I continued on into the store, still a little shaken but chuckling a little more at myself at this point. I started wandering through some random aisles (as I always do, searching for the aforementioned clearance items) and happened to wander into the aisle with the mirrors in it. As I was walking past the floor length mirrors I happened to catch a glimpse of the back, left side of my body and noticed I was covered in dirty black gunk from when I slammed into my van. PERFECT!!!

So, after having a dog give me a mini heart attack, being laughed at by strangers,walking around for an hour covered in car gunk, being trapped behind the shoppers from you know where, and listening to an annoying cashier tell me her life story, I now have to remember to go get my van washed!!

But, I guess it could have been worse. I could have had a full bladder when the dog jumped out at me. :)


Everyday stuff said...

agh! I much like your self dislike the grocery store, perhaps it was the five years I worked in one that did me in, or its just knowing that the people dont want to be there and when you ask them for help umm they really dont care! I know only go every two weeks and I can sweep through that place like it's on fire!

And how nice it was of that lovely teenage girl to let her dog verbal attack you! good luck with keeping the car clean I though with a white car it would for sure bother me more so I would "ALWAYS" keep it clean...yea didn't happen so much!

Family Adventure said...

Valarie, you are too funny :)

We've all had those hellish days at the supemarket, but I think this one ranks pretty high on the 'all time list'. Glad you are able to see the humour in it.

Oh, I *hate* shopping on Saturdays, too. Too many people not in a hurry!

Heidi :)

Katrin said...

Oh, how I can relate! This could've all happened to me. But, I am sorry, but it is also a teeny bit funny... :) Greetings from Austria!

cheryl said...

LOL - I am also a grocery store hater. And the adults studying the peanut butter were definitely stoned. Who does that?!? And yes, WHY do people share about aunt flo??? WHY?

Thanks for your nice comment on my blog! I love yours - since I always love a good laugh.

utmomof5 said...

Once again you made me laugh out loud!! I hate the store on Sat. night too, ugh!! I have to remeind you (not that you really need it) the Amazing Race starts tonight!! I am so excited, my husband and I have a date in front of the TV.

Karen said...

And you didn't even mention the kids. They add a whole new dimension. Shopping is not for the faint of heart.

onthegomom said...

So sorry to laugh at your pain, but that was a funny post! I can sooooooooooo relate to that, though.

Cody said...

We very rarely hit the grocery store before 10pm. There are still incredibly annoying people there, but there are far fewer of them.

Not an option for everyone, but it works pretty well for us.