Friday, January 11, 2008

My Rules of Dieting

'Tis the season.....for dieting. Is it just me, or have you read a lot of blogs recently that have started focusing on weight loss. January should be renamed "Diet-uary." So, for your reading pleasure, I have compiled a little list that is comprised of MY RULES OF DIETING.

1.If you eat the food off someone else's plate, it doesn't count.

2.If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

3.Cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breaking the piece off causes calorie leakage.

4.If you fatten everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

5.Most of the calories in bread are in the crust, so just feed it to your dog.

6.If you eat standing up the calories all go to your feet and get walked off.

7.If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.

8.Your bathroom mirror adds ten pounds, and your bathroom scale is in on the conspiracy.

9.When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count as long as you don’t eat more than they do.

10.Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. (i.e vanilla ice cream and cauliflower)


Maybe this explains why one of my New Year's Resolutions is always pertaining to losing weight. Oh well. Wouldn't it be easier if we just all decided to be fat and happy??

12 comments:

Leah said...

I like these rules!! yay! LOL That means the 6 cookies I inhaled last night after everyone else went to bed have no calories!

One Scrappy Gal said...

Let's all start our own Mrs. Stay Puft club and be happy with our bodies!! :)

BTW... I should print out these rules and tape them to the mirror...

Dawn said...

This is the BEST diet plan I've seen yet!

Heather said...

Now that's a diet plan I can work with.

desirae said...

I love these rules.. I'm using these rules.. Which means, since I stood up to eat all those kit-kats today, it's all in my feet now.. Market this now!! lol..

Beth said...

These are great! But if I follow your rules and gain weight on my diet I am going to blame you!

Liz said...

Grated cheese has no calories either because they've all escaped.

newduck said...

Seriously, it doesn't count if you eat standing up. I totally agree.

Jenny said...

Too funny! I'll have to work these into my weight watchers plan.

Sabrina said...

Those are my type of rules! How funny!

Katie said...

If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories. HA!

Ever notice if you take away the 'T' it spells DIE? That's not a coincidence.

girlymom said...

I like your rules- I think those are ones that I might actually be capable of following! :)