Friday, February 1, 2008

I Had A Big Decision To Make

Running stinks.

I hate to run. Well, really I guess I don't hate to run. I used to love to run. I used to run all the time when I was in high school. I played baskteball and soccer and ran track. Nowadays, when I run, things are all jiggly and I am lucky I don't give myself two black eyes from my boobs flopping all over. I am SOOO out of shape.

I decided that I needed to lose some weight and get myself back into shape. So, I started walking my dog, Taz, at night. My dog is old and out of shape, so I was hopeful he would make me look good. Haha....yeah right. I started walking Taz and after a little while of that I decided I could try running some as well. There was just one problem. The jiggly. Do I really want my neighbors to see all my jiggliness?? No WAY! Ok, well, no problem. I could just go out after dark. So, that's what I started doing. I would walk Taz when we were under a street light in a well lit area, and then run when I was in a darker area. That way no one could see me very well. I bet that wouldn't look weird or anything, huh? :) I am sure that anyone watching me figured I was a big fraidy cat since I would only run where it was dark. But I figure if anyone is watching me that closely they probably lead a pretty sad and boring life and it could be my good deed for the day to let them get a good laugh while watching me run (Right, OneSrappyGal? :)).

So, on to the point.....last night I was walking/running with him. I had decided to try and run a little more than normal. I got to the place where we were probably about a half mile away from my home. I was pretty tired by then. I heard this weird noise. It sounded like it might be some sort of bird....? Maybe. It was familiar. I heard it again. No, I don't think it's a bird. Where have I heard that sound before?? I heard it a third time. Definitely not a bird. My heart started to pump harder. Taz even reacted to the sound. His ears perked up a little. He turned his head in the direction of the sound and started sniffing the air. I picked up the pace some, but like I said before, I am REALLY out of shape. So, I was pretty tired by this point. Again, I heard the weird sound. I gasped. I knew, without a doubt, where I had heard it from!! It was the sound a velociraptor makes in the Jurassic Park movies!! I took off running. I saw a street light coming up. OH geez. I had a big decision to make. Do I risk slowing my pace to a walk and getting eaten by a velociraptor? Or do I dare continue running and make my jiggly self visible to the whole world under this street light??

I chose gory death by velociraptor.

25 comments:

katie said...

You are too funny. death by dino. ha. I love reading your blogs! Thanks for the friday afternoon giggle.

Family Adventure said...

LOL! Gore by velociraptor...and you lived to post about it!

Good luck with the getting into shape bit. I am sooooooo out of shape, I can't wait for the roads to clear of snow, so I can start jiggleling (new word) down them myself :)

Heidi

Dawn said...

I love coming to your blog and getting a good laugh! I need to get into shape also and I don't like running- maybe if a velociraptor was chasing me...then I would run.

Autumn said...

That is hilarious. You make me feel better just by reading this!

Kellan said...

That was the funniest thing I have read all month!!!!! I am still laughing. I can't believe you and I just loved this!!! Thanks for the great laugh Valarie!

Have a great weekend. Kellan

Law Student Hot Mama said...

When I run, my ginormous nursing boobs hit me in the face. I'm new to blogging, but I like your blog . . . and I hate those velicoraptors . . . why is it that when I type it it looks like 'helicopter" to me? Feel free to visit my blog . . . www.whylawyerssuck.blogspot.com - I'm a new mom myself. I'm afraid that when I stop nursing, my boobs will reside perpetually in my armpits.

Kellan said...

Hey - come by my site tomorrow - I have an award for you. See ya. Kellan

desirae said...

This cracked me up.. I could picture this.. Run.. Walk calmly like nothing is going on. Run.. Walk.. Too funny.. And then to just choose death.. Way better choice than giving the neighbors a show.. (I totally know what you mean about the black eyes. I feel ridiculous trying to run.) I'd pick death too..

LaskiGal said...

What a great post . . . funny . . . I used to run (things are jiggly for me too). I was in track (am a hs track coach on leave for the year--first child) and MY nickname was TAZ!!!(I know, it's your doggy's name) Anyway, I'm trying (desperately) to get ready for a half marathon in April. Yeah, we'll see.

Love the velociraptor!!! I can so relate.

Found your blog through . . . oh, good grief. Can't remember now. Hope you don't mind that my blog hopping landed here! Great blog.

the dragonfly said...

Thank you so much for the laugh! Death by raptor, perfect. I need to get into shape too. Once it's warmer I'm going to start walking with my little guy every day. But right now there is snow on the ground. Yuck! So I have to settle for chasing him around the apartment.

:)

Shan said...

Tough call! I would have made the same.

One Scrappy Gal said...

Good for you and your good deed for the day!! :)

How did operation moveacouch go?

I used to run track in high school. Now I can't even run away with my imagination. After this baby is born, it's get in shape time!

Teachin' this mommy new tricks! said...

I know what you mean about running! Same here. I use to love it but now.....um...well not my fave!

Don Mills Diva said...

Sounds like a senseible choice to me.

utmomof5 said...

Glad you avoided the dino, I would really miss reading your blog if you had been devoured by a crazy dino. =)
I hear you one the get in shape thing, I just ordered weight watchers so that I can stop the jiggling.

Christina

newduck said...

I absolutely hate running! I can run for about half a block before I turn blue in the face and fall down. If it makes you feel better, a lot of people deal with the "jiggle" factor. They NY Times even wrote an article on it. I'm kind of technically illiterate about posting things, but here's the link: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/13/health/nutrition/13well.html?_r=1&oref=slogin (if it doesn't work, go to google and type "exercise advice often ignores jiggle factor")

Ann(ie) said...

Oh you have such a cute blog and the sweetest family. Found you via Kellan! I'll be back to read more!!

Kathy said...

LOL! That is too funny! I hate running too, I need to get in shape too.


www.kathy-iamwhoiam.blogspot.com

onthegomom said...

I would of choosen death, too. I HATE to run, jog or anything like that. It's the jiggle factor and the having 3 three kids that sat on my bladder for a total of 27 months and gravity... I won't go into any more detail for you, so it won't cross the line to T.M.I!

Teachin' this mommy new tricks! said...

Thanks for cracking me up this morning! hah a!

Cecily R said...

Hahahahahahahah!! Snort!!

Perfectly sane choice.

Leah said...

(what was it really???? You're brave to be out running, especially at night!)

Good for you for getting yourself in shape. I should think about following in your footsteps (figuratively, because I sure as heck won't be running, especially at night)

Good luck!

onthegomom said...

I love the new family picture you posted! CUTE :-)

Jenny said...

That's too funny! I'm positive I would have made the same choice.

Mrs. Blimes said...

you are so crazy!