Unsolicited Advice

I have a friend who is pregnant with her first child right now. She is going to make an amazing mom. As a pregnant women, she has been getting lots and lots of advice.....mostly unsolicited and probably mostly...ok, totally and completely, incorrect. Of course, since she is so smart she will listen to everything I say and do exactly as I tell her, because, after all, I am a FABULOUS mom and I totally deserve a mother of the year award. :) Love you E!! Can't wait for you to join the ranks of vomit-filled, poo-smeared, sleepless nights motherhood.

So, she sent this email out and I found it amusing...


Ok, so this one is pretty clear. No making baby spit wads.


Does anyone else find this baby really creepy??????

Well, obviously everyone knows not to give their baby a big, dirty shoe to chew on. Baby shoes fit in their mouths MUCH better!


Crap, I guess no more lapping up the breastmilk from the bottle like a dog. I guess I'll just have to make my husband take a vitamin to get his calcium from here on out.

Yes, please make sure all arms and legs are tucked safely inside the drawer before closing it...

The little guy sure does look cute chillin' in the bottom of the fish tank, though.

Well, DUH!! Everyone knows the baby is supposed to face BACKWARDS!

So, I'm confused. Are babies not supposed to go in dog cages?? I mean, she gave him water, right?

HA!!! If only.......

*** DISCLAIMER: All comments in this blog are meant to be comical and not intended for use in everyday life. Please do not put your baby in a dog cage and give him a dirty shoe to chew on!!

This Place Is Really Freaking Me Out!

We decided to take all the kiddos (because we're crazy like that) and head over to Sea World yesterday. My sister Tracy came, too. Sea World is fun, but not my favorite place. I am deathly afraid of all things fishy. I knew the kids would love it, though.....and they did. I threw together a bunch of pics. Look if you want...don't if you don't. But if you don't, then don't bother coming back here. I didn't really like you anyways. :) Kidding!!

It rained the whole first half of the day. We didn't really care. We were planning on getting drenched at the Shamu show anyway. Plus, apparently lots of people melt in the rain, so rainy days = short lines.

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Here are a few examples of the hilarious things my kids said to me while we were out and about. they sure do keep life interesting....

Mikaily, my 7 year old, said to me: "Uuuuuugh!! You are being so mean! Why are you so mean?? When I grow up and have my own kids, I am going to be mean to them just like you are to me and then they are going to hurt me." Ummmmm, was that supposed to be a threat? I believe that is what they call being passive-aggressive. She is a little odd sometimes.

I took my 5 year old, Kyle, on the Journey to Atlantis ride. He was barely tall enough. It is the water coaster at Sea World. The first hill is pretty big and very steep. I am guessing it would scare the crap out of most adults. He loved it. And by loved it, I mean hated it. Before the wave settled at the bottom of the first hill, he shouted "I don't want to do that again!!" We didn't. We went to the kiddie section and they had a little Shamu kiddie coaster. He wanted to ride it. We did. When it pulled to a stop, I looked over and said "So, did you like that one?" He thought for a minute and said "Only a little bit. I think I will try it again when I am 6."

"Bye guys! See ya later" This is what Evan, my 3 year old, yelled as he ran off into the crowd.

"Come on guys. Lets get out of here. This place is really freaking me out!" Kyle said this as he was walking through the "glass" tube that goes straight through the middle of the shark tank. Can't blame him for being freaked out. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree....

"WOW! Are you going to go do that next??" Evan said to me, pointing to the trainer riding on the killer whale's back.

*** A little add on here! I forgot to list the comment that takes the prize for comment of the day....
We were watching the Shamu show and I was sitting beside Kyle. Shamu swims out (underwater, obviously, so you don't know he's coming unless you KNOW he's coming) and dramatically jumps up and out of the water. Kyle says "WOOOOAH!!! Mom! He's bigger than you are!!!" Thanks kid, I love you too!

Not An Easy Task!!!

My friend LEAH over at Laughing Leah Loves Lilies challenged me to come up with a new profile pic that included me and at least one of my children. I figured my best bet was to try and get a few pics of me with all 4 separately and then I went nuts for a minute and decided to try and get me AND all four in the same pic. This was not an easy task considering I was the one holding all four children AND trying to snap the photos myself. It was fun....for like a minute. :) So anyhoo.....here are the results....

It was definitely not easy to get a pic of an 8 month old with no one else to get her to look in the right direction!


I zoomed in a little too far on this one....
(we are in different clothes because I took this pic a day earlier than the others)

Evan didn't want to have his picture taken.....

Until I stuck him on the bathroom counter and showed him he was taller than I am....



Kyle is always in the mood for a photo...


I was getting bored by this point, so Kaily and I decided to goof off....


and then Kyle joined in.....


And here is my moment of insanity, captured for all time....


I am gonna go ahead and challenge a couple people to do this too! It was kinda fun and it's nice to actually get some pictures that include ME (and get to see pics of any of you that choose to do this) instead of just the kids. So, I am gonna go ahead and pass this along to the ladies at
The Cochran Clan
The Red Door and
One Scrappy Gal
and also to anyone else who thinks it sounds like it might be fun. Just leave me a comment and let me know you did it so I can come check it out!!

Lunar Eclipse

Hey all!! Don't forget there is a total lunar eclipse tonight! The chart here tells exactly what is happening when. But remember, the times are EST. If you live in California and you go outside at 10 pm, you will be waiting for a REALLY long time to see the next eclipse.......

I Love Lists!

I love doing lists and I haven't done one for awhile. However, I have been deathly ill (ok, well maybe that is a slight exaggeration) and so I am recycling part of a list I did a while back that I think most of you haven't read, but adding a few new things to it for those of you that have. Enjoy!

Things I Have Learned Since Becoming A Mom:

1. No matter how insignificant the trip, always pack a barf bucket.

2. If worrying was truely wasted energy.... I should be wasted away!

3. Clothing is optional.

4. "An object in motion tends to stay in motion" is a law written by a parent with toddlers.

5. I've learned to quickly tell the difference between a good disposable diaper and a bad one.

6. They say the only way to sing along to the radio is loudly. In fact, the only way to do anything in a house full of children is LOUDLY!

7. An Emmy is never more deserved than by a 4 year old just asked to clean up her toys.

8. Feather Boas look good on me.

9. I have a child that is medically needy. It didn't take me long to figure out why they call it "practicing" medicine.

10. Snot is never ending.

11. McDonalds Playplaces smell like urine.

12. Cough syrup doesn't work.

13. There really IS a sock monster who eats random socks just for the heck of it.

14. You do NOT need 8 hours of sleep to be able to function.

15. You no longer have to lock up your favorite candy stash. Just put it on the couch under the pile of laundry and no one will be able to find it.

So Fabulous!

So I happened to come across this blog called Ohmystinkinheck ....or OMSH for short....and that's a link by the way....even though you can't tell because the links show up blue and that is what color my background is and I am sure I could change the color of the link but I am way too lazy to try and figure that out) and she is having a contest. The gift for the winner is FABULOUS! So, go check it out. But don't try too hard, because that then decreases my chances of winning. hehe:)

We're BAAAAAA-AAAAACK!!

We didn't get to see any snow. That was alright. It got SOOOOO cold I just wanted to hightail it outta there as fast as we could. We got out the night before they got slammed with a snowstorm. Oh well. My friend sent me some pictures.
We had a great visit. Alaina did amazing on the plane. Well, except for the blowout she had on the way there. And by blowout, I mean slimy, stinky poop leaking out both leg holes of the diaper. Oh, and up and out the back too. In fact, it was all the way up her back..... almost in her hair. I just calmly pressed the flight attendant button and asked for a bag. I then proceeded to strip my daughter naked and wipe her down as best I could. I am sure the other passengers appreciated it. I just threw the clothes away. I was not about to be opening up a bag full of poo-covered clothes that were 6 hours old. Bleck! Oh, and did I mention she did the same thing on the plane on the way home?? I guess maybe the pressure change on the plane caused a pressure build up and it was just too much and so she "exploded."
So here are a few pics of us hanging out in the airport on the way back home. My poor baby was introduced to what COLD really means. Her little mouth got all chapped. I kept smearing her up with cherry chapstick (becuase that is all I had on me), but it just made her look like she had been making out after applying some cheap, red lipstick. So, I had some A&D that I had been putting on her for a diaper rash and guess what.....?? It worked GREAT! I didn't even care that the smell of her face reminded me of the smell of her butt. A mom's gotta do, what a mom's gotta do!!

Can you tell that Laney has little pigtails in?? At one point I was standing outside of the bathroom in the airport waiting for my husband to come out and I was holding Alaina. This old lady comes up to me and says
"Awww, well aren't you a cute one??" She was talking ot Alaina, of course. :)
"Thank you" I replied.
"Look at your hair. You should tell you mom that she is really mean to be doing your hair like that."
I was taken aback. I wasn't exactly sure what was so mean, so I looked at Alaina and said "Well, why don't you tell this lady that if I don't pull your hair back, it sticks straight up all over the place."
"Well, you should tell your mom that if she cuts all your hair off it will grow back in nice and full and thick." Because, as you know, it is every mom's dream to have an adorable 8 month old little girl that is totally and completely BALD......?!?!
At this point, I wanted to reach out and smack this women. Seriously?!?! You are going to walk up to a complete stranger holding a baby and then begin insulting her?? Why can't people just mind their OWN business. I didn't say to her "Well, you should be shot by the fashion police for wearing that outfit" or "Ever heard of whitening strips? You might wanna give them a try!" I could have. But I didn't. Luckily my husband came out and I just started walking away. Oh, and did I mention that she TOUCHED my baby. People! DON'T TOUCH THE BABY IF YOU DON'T KNOW THE MAMA!!!!!! I have no idea where your nasty old fingers have been. Keep them off my child. Ok, so anyways.....this is what her hair looks like if I don't pull it back.
Need I say more?!?
We got to spend lots of time with friends. We hung out and ate yummy food and laughed and all that jazz. We went bowling. I suck at bowling. I think the thing I enjoy most about bowling is getting to pick which ball to use. I picked red this time. I think it weighed like 10 pounds. Maybe....? After only 2 games it was obvious I was a total and complete wuss. I did, however, bowl a 109, which is my all time high score!! Sad, I know. And, although it looks great when everyone's shoes match, it totally grosses me out thinking about how many other sweaty feet have been in those nasty shoes. They TOTALLY would have looked hot with a shiny, black jumpsuit, though!!
I missed my kids a lot. I was glad to see that everyone was alive when we got back. The kids had all of their limbs still attached and no bones were broken. My sisters seemed to fair pretty decently. I do think they were probably a tad exhausted, but that's nothing that a nice, oh....say....week long nap can't cure! :) So, thanks to the best sisters in the world!!!

I Don't Have Time to Spell Check!!

Today has been a crazy day. I have been so incredibly busy. So, I thought to myself, "self.....what could possibly make this day even harder on you and help you to procrastinate your packing and cleaning even more??" So, I sat my butt down and decided to BLOG about how I am so busy I have absolutely no time to do anything extra.

I am going on vacation. I know, I know. I live in Florida....every day is like a vacation, right? So, you might be wondering exactly where a person who lives in a "vacation hot spot" permanantly GOES on vacation. Well, I am headed to the great state of OHIO!! That is where we moved here from. It has been a year since I have been back there to visit and I can't wait to see my friends!!! My husband and I are taking our baby and heading out day after tomorrow. My sisters will be here with my three older littles. I hope everyone is alive when we get back......

So, I have been packing. Ugh! PACKING! Packing for yourself isn't so bad, but when there is a baby involved.....I totally understand the expression "everything but the kitchen sink" now. I love clothes. I love to shop for clothes for myself and for my husband and for my children, but I do not like having to pick which clothes to pack! WHO IN THE WORLD CAME UP WITH THE WHOLE "EVERYONE HAS A STYLE AND HAVE FUN EXPRESSING YOURSELF THROUGH CLOTHING" anyway???? Wouldn't it be easier if we all just wore black, shiny jumpsuits??? If there was nothing else, then no one would think that was weird. Black looks good on everyone, right?? I'm not sure why shiny. Probably just because it is funny to picture my husband (and probably this goes for you and your significant other as well) in a tight, shiny jumpsuit. hehe. I giggle when I think about that. If that is all we wore it would sure make choosing an outfit for the day easier......"Let's see. Should I wear the black jumpsuit with, or without, a baby vomit stain on the shoulder?" It sure as heck would make packing easier. And think about how great it would be for family photos. Everyone would always match!!

I took my boys outside to play for a while earlier. It is soooooo beautiful outside. The high here today was supposed to be 84. I think it might be a little warmer even. So, we were out there and I was sitting in my chair, enjoying the feeling of the warm sun hitting my face and I hear Kyle yell "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! It's a snake!!!!! R-U-N!!!!!!!" I hop up and I am like "Where?? Where is the snake?? Get away from it!" Kyle started laughing. "Mommy! It isn't a REAL snake. We are just pretending. I very calmly explained to him that he had scared me and why he shouldn't be screaming "SNAKE" out. A few moments later, he came running past me again, with Evan hot on his heels. Evan yells "AHHHHHHHH!!! There is a T-REX!!! RUN!!!!!!!" Kyle stopped. I could tell by the look on his face that he was concerned that this would scare me as well, and said "Don't worry mommy, it isn't a real T-REX. We are pretending again. Dinosaurs are all dead." Good thing he cleared that up. I guess it wasn't a velociraptor chasing me down on my run the other night (see post below).

Oh, and in follow up to the last post since a few asked....I have absolutely no idea what really made the noise. We have all kinds of weird, scary critters running around here. I think I would prefer not knowing.

So, farewell for now, my bloggy friends!! I will be gone until middle of next week and I am thinking I will be enjoying playing in the snow way too much to take the time to blog. Either that or my fingers will have fallen off from frostbite, making it difficult to type.

"I'll be back" (Do you like my Arnold Schwarzenegger impression?!?)

I Had A Big Decision To Make

Running stinks.

I hate to run. Well, really I guess I don't hate to run. I used to love to run. I used to run all the time when I was in high school. I played baskteball and soccer and ran track. Nowadays, when I run, things are all jiggly and I am lucky I don't give myself two black eyes from my boobs flopping all over. I am SOOO out of shape.

I decided that I needed to lose some weight and get myself back into shape. So, I started walking my dog, Taz, at night. My dog is old and out of shape, so I was hopeful he would make me look good. Haha....yeah right. I started walking Taz and after a little while of that I decided I could try running some as well. There was just one problem. The jiggly. Do I really want my neighbors to see all my jiggliness?? No WAY! Ok, well, no problem. I could just go out after dark. So, that's what I started doing. I would walk Taz when we were under a street light in a well lit area, and then run when I was in a darker area. That way no one could see me very well. I bet that wouldn't look weird or anything, huh? :) I am sure that anyone watching me figured I was a big fraidy cat since I would only run where it was dark. But I figure if anyone is watching me that closely they probably lead a pretty sad and boring life and it could be my good deed for the day to let them get a good laugh while watching me run (Right, OneSrappyGal? :)).

So, on to the point.....last night I was walking/running with him. I had decided to try and run a little more than normal. I got to the place where we were probably about a half mile away from my home. I was pretty tired by then. I heard this weird noise. It sounded like it might be some sort of bird....? Maybe. It was familiar. I heard it again. No, I don't think it's a bird. Where have I heard that sound before?? I heard it a third time. Definitely not a bird. My heart started to pump harder. Taz even reacted to the sound. His ears perked up a little. He turned his head in the direction of the sound and started sniffing the air. I picked up the pace some, but like I said before, I am REALLY out of shape. So, I was pretty tired by this point. Again, I heard the weird sound. I gasped. I knew, without a doubt, where I had heard it from!! It was the sound a velociraptor makes in the Jurassic Park movies!! I took off running. I saw a street light coming up. OH geez. I had a big decision to make. Do I risk slowing my pace to a walk and getting eaten by a velociraptor? Or do I dare continue running and make my jiggly self visible to the whole world under this street light??

I chose gory death by velociraptor.