Admitting the Problem is the First Step

Alright, I have a confession to make. This is something that has been building up inside me for a long time. I know I have a problem and before my husband decides there needs to be some sort of intervention I want to own up to my problem. Admitting you have a problem is the first step, right? Ok, so here it goes.........
I am addicted to reality tv. That's right. I am a reality tv junkie!!! I first realized I had a problem when I saw a commercial for The Amazing Race starting this Sunday (Nov. 4th) and I actually let out a "Yippy" and jumped up and clicked my heels. I think the last time I had a reaction like that was when I found out I was pregnant the last time. Wow! See! I just compared finding out you are pregnant to seeing the season premier of a tv show!! This may be worse than I thought....

I am finding lately that I don't like having to go for more than 24 hours without watching some sort of reality show. It doesn't have to be the same show. In fact, a lot of the time I experiment with different kinds of shows. Sometimes I get my fix by watching scantily clad women acting like idiots while competing for one man's affection. Sometimes I crave watching groups of people stranded on an island, starving themselves and trying to convince other they have morals so they will award them with a ridiculously large amount of money. I find myself daydreaming of having a certain funny lady with a British accent show up at my house to help me make cute little charts that will magically make my wild children become perfect angels in a matter of 76 hours!

To emphasize the magnitude of this addiction I feel I must disclose the names of all shows I have tried at least once.....These include but are not limited to shows such as:
The Real World, Road Rules, The Real World/Road Rules Challenge, Survivor, The Bachelor, The Amazing Race, American Idol, Big Brother, The Biggest Loser, Rob and Big, The Last Comic Standing, Project Runway, Super Nanny, Trading Spaces, Top Chef, Laguna Beach (more recently Newport Harbor), Americas Next Top Model, I Want to Be a High School Cheerleader Again, To Catch a Thief, Hogan Knows Best, Meerkat Manor, and Fear Factor (may you RIP).

I know, sad right?? Obviously I don't watch them ALL at once. I do have a family at home I am taking care of. I just need a little here and a little there. I watched them socially...you know, only with other people. Yeah, you see...at first it was a social thing. I watched them to fit in. That way I would be able to join in the conversation at the play group or park or in the hallways after church. It seemed like EVERYONE was doing it. Now, I think I have let it take over me and I I think I am going to have to wean myself off of these shows. Maybe I will start watching PBS again. At least those shows don't turn my brain into mush (That's what the pediatrician told my 5 year old would happen if he watched too much tv).

So, I have taken the first step and admitted to my problem. Now I guess the next is to start living my life instead of watching everyone else live theirs on my tv.


P.S. Does anyone know when American Idol starts again? ;) he he

It's Raining, It's Pouring!

Yesterday I decided to let my husband "sleep in" (He had been in Boston on business and his flight home was delayed and he ended up getting home at 3:30 in the morning). I was woken up by a tiny little knee being thrust into my full bladder. Not the most pleasant way to wake up. I got up and dressed and got my children dressed and fed and then decided (after 2 fist fights, a spilled bowl of Lucky Charms, an award winning performance on why my 5 year old deserved a snickers for breakfast, a leaky diaper, and an episode of SpongeBob...the last one was the killer) that I should take them all for a walk so their dad could actually SLEEP in on the morning I was letting him "sleep in."

After fighting with them all to get their shoes on and go to the bathroom (because I didn't want to have to have my 3 year old hide and pee behind the neighbors bushes again)we walked out into the garage to find that it was RAINING! I have no idea how I missed this. So, of course the chorus of whines start. So, what's mom to do in this situation??? There was NO way I was turning around and taking them back inside. So, we went for a walk in the rain. There was no thunder and no lighting and the rain here is warm, so what the heck! I grabbed my umbrella and we took off.

They had fun splashing in the puddles and I had fun waving to all my neighbors, who now knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that I was indeed the crazy lady on the block.

So the best part of the walk was when we walked past one of the houses that had the garage door up and had a large, white truck parked in there. My 5 year old points to the garage and says "OH MY GOSH! They have a truck parked in their house!" The three of them started laughing REALLY hard. It took this a second to register. What was so funny about that?? Then it hit me.....My children had no idea a garage was for a car! Kaily was like "It's so empty. Why don't they have as much stuff as we do??

Hmmmmmm......I guess it is time to clean out the garage, huh??

Little Ray of Sunshine

I know that I have already sent this to some of you. It still makes me laugh every time I listen to it. This lady is soooo funny! Her name is Anita Renfroe and this clip is from Total Momsense. It fits in well with my post about momisms (two posts down from this one). I stuck the lyrics underneath so you can read along if you want! Enjoy this little ray of sunshine in your totally chaotic day and try not to pee your pants!




Get up now. Get up now. Get up out of bed.
Wash your face. Brush your teeth. Comb your sleepy head.
Here's your clothes and your shoes. Hear the words I said?
Get up now. Get up and make your bed.
Are you hot? Are you cold? Are you wearing that?
Where's your books and your lunch and your homework at?
Grab your coat and your gloves and your scarf and hat.
Don't forget you got to feed the cat.
Eat your breakfast.
The experts tell us it's the most important meal of all.
Take your vitamins so you will grow up one day to be big and tall.
Please remember the orthodontist will be seeing you at three today.
Don't forget your piano lesson is this afternoon so you must play.
Don't shovel. Chew slowly. But hurry the bus is here.
Be careful. Come back here. Did you wash behind your ears?
Play outside. Don't play rough. Would you just play fair?
Be polite. Make a friend. Don't forget to share
Work it out. Wait your turn. Never take a dare.
Get along. Don't make me come down there.
Clean your room. Fold your clothes. Put your stuff away.
Make your bed. Do it now. Do we have all day?
Were you born in a barn? Would you like some hay?
Can you even hear a word I say?
Answer the phone. Get Off the phone. Don't sit so close.
Turn it down. No texting at the table.
No more computer time tonight.
Your iPod's my iPod if you don't listen up.
Where you going and with whom and what time do you think you're coming home?
Saying thank you, please, excuse me makes you welcome everywhere you roam.
You'll appreciate my wisdom someday when you're older and you're grown.
Can't wait 'til you have a couple little children of your own.
You'll thank me for the counsel I gave you so willingly.
But right now I thank you NOT to roll your eyes at me.
Close your mouth when you chew. Would appreciate
Take a bite maybe two of the stuff you hate
Use your fork. Do not you burp or I'll set you straight.
Eat the food I put upon your plate.
Get an A. Get the door. Don't get smart with me.
Get a Grip. Get in here I'll count to 3.
Get a job. Get a life. Get a PhD
Get a dose of..........
I don't care who started it you're grounded until your 36.
Get your story straight and tell the truth for once for heaven's sake.
And if all your friends jumped off a cliff would you jump too?
If I've said it once, I've said at least a thousand times before that
You're too old to act this way. It must be your father's DNA.
Look at me when I am talking. Stand up straighter when you walk.
A place for everything and everything must be in place.
Stop crying or I'll give you something real to cry about!
Oh!
Brush your teeth, Wash your face, Get your PJs on.
Get in bed. Get a hug. Say a prayer with Mom.
Don't forget I love you!
**KISS**
And tomorrow we will do this all again because a mom's work never ends.
You don't need the reason why!
Because
Because
Because
Because
I said so.
I said so.
I said so.
I said so.
I'm the Mom!
The mom
The mom
The mom
THE MOM!
TA DA!!!!!!

Shots, Guilt and Yogurt Covered Fruit Snacks

Yesterday I had to take my 5 year old and my 4 month old in for their check ups at the pediatrician's office. I was sooo thankful to my husband for coming home from work early so he could take the other 3 (I had my niece yesterday too) so I didn't have to drag them all into the germ infested office with me.

I had explained to Kyle that he would be getting some shots. I had no idea, however that he would end up having to get 5 shots and have his finger pricked. My baby had to have numerous shots as well. I had it all planned out. Kyle would go first so he wouldn't have to watch Alaina scream through her shots before he got his. That would just make him freak. I knew that. Obviously the Doc did not get the memo. Right as she was leaving the room she said "Why don't we go ahead and have your little sister get hers first, alright?"

Well of course Kyle was all for that and I could not convince him otherwise. So, he sat and watched her get shot after shot after shot after shot. With each shot I could see him becoming more anxious. His smile disappeared......his bottom lip began to quiver.....tears began to fill his big blue eyes....."MOMMY! I don't want a shot! I am not sick! See, I am fine. I want to go home now."

So, I put the poor guy on my lap and held his hands while he got shot after shot after shot after shot. They gave him a baseball cap and a coupon for a piece of candy from the candy store right next door (the person that put a candy store in right next to the pediatrician's office is genius!! They give coupons to kids who get shots, you take them in to get their "free" piece of candy and are immediately mesmerized by the amazing smell of chocolate and end up buying half the store!!).

I had to stop on the way home because I didn't have any Tylenol for the baby. It's not such a great idea to take your 5 year old into a store with you when you are feeling guilty right after you have subjected him to having sharp, metal objects thrust into his flesh. You go in for milk and Tylenol and come out with things like Yogos (little fruit snacks covered in yogurt...I think), a cheese-filled coffeecake, Sprite, a GALLON of ice cream, strawberry flavored syrup, a little stuffed elephant, yellow plastic cups, a bouquet of flowers, a box of Lucky Charms, and a talking "Thinking of You" card!!

Lesson learned.

If You Don't Have Anything Nice to Say....

I have been talking to my friend Jude (stay at home mom of 5) about the crazy things that people say to me now that I have 4 children. I grew up in a family with 5 children and that to me was a normal sized family. Not too big, not too small. Just average. So it is amazing to me that people think my family with 4 children is such a huge family. I have had some interesting things said to me, mostly in the grocery store, by nosey strangers. I know that the majority of people are most likely well intentioned, but I could not imagine going up to a woman in a grocery store that had only one child and saying "Seriously, One? That's ALL you're going to have??" A few of my favorite comments (that have either been said to me or a friend of mine) are:

Are they ALL yours? (No, I just gather up the neighborhood children to take on a field trip every time I need to go grocery shopping)
Do they all have the same father? (I especially love this one)
Don't you have a television? or Haven't you ever heard of birth control? or Don't you know how babies are made (For this, Jude told me to reply...YES! And obviously we are REALLY good at it!)
You must be a glutton for punishment.
Are you Mormon? (why, yes, I am!!)or Are you Catholic? or Are you CRAZY?!? (No crazier than the strange people that accost a mom and her four small children walking through the store)
Wow! Your husband must have a good job to be able to afford that many kids! Do you know how much raising a child costs?? (Um, duh! I have four of them!!)
We only had one (or two) so that we can give her the attention she needs.

The last one (as my friend Jude informed me) I guess comes along with a long list of excuses as to why they didn't have anymore children and about how their husbands got "snipped" (as they make a scissor-like hand gesture). Can't wait to have a stranger tell me all about how her husband has been fixed!!

So, the moral of my story is....if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all!! (Yet another momism I love!!)

Mom Rules!

I have found myself using a lot of "momisms" lately and since I am all about the lists, I think I will make a short list of my favorites! Some I use daily, others I remember my mother using on my siblings and me.

1. "If all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you jump too??" I always found this one interesting because, in fact, I have jumped off a BRIDGE after my friends had. It was not something I would have ever done on my own, so I guess when my mother directed this one towards me my answer would have been "How high is the cliff we are jumping off??"

2. "Your shoes didn't walk off by themselves!!" I am usually saying this to my oldest daughter and, unfortunately for her, her shoes might as well have walked off by themselves. Usually they have walked off on the feet of her younger brothers and we find one stuffed in the couch cushion and the other floating in the bathroom sink!

3. "Because I said so!!" Really, need I say more on this one??

4. "Put that down!! You don't know where it's been!!" This is mainly used when small children are picking things up in public. Things like pennies, cigarette butts (ick!! putt your butts in proper trash recepticles people!!), "used" chewing gum, half eaten hot dogs, candy, and anything else that seems to be magnetic to tiny fingers and crawling with some sort of cummunicable disease!

5. "Do it before I count to 3." I don't like using this one, but of course it comes flying out of my mouth when my child doesn't obey. Consequently, I have to start the dreaded count...1......2.......2 and a half.......2 and three quarters....When my children are learning to count they get confused when they never see the number 2 and a half!

6. "You're too old to act this way." Unfortunately, most of the time, my children AREN'T too old to be acting this way. They are, after all, pretty young. I think this one is better used on my 5th and oldest child, namely my husband!

7. "Eat your food! Threr are starving children in Africa!" Think this has anything to do with the obesity rate in Americans?? I heard of a man once who claimed he became fat as a public service to keep those children from starving.

8. "Always wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident." Now, I have been in an accident myself before and know of many people who have also been unfortunate enough to have this in common with me and I don't believe that having clean panties helped me one darn bit!!

9. "Look both ways before crossing the street!" Now this is exceptional advice. I can't count the number of times I would have been pummled by a passing truck or stepped on the chicken crossing the road had I not followed my mother's advice!

10. "They're just jealous. That's all." Ahhh, the ultimate attempt to calm the child who's self esteem has been crushed by cruel peers. I love it that this momism always seems to be used just as that glimmer of revenge creeps into her mind and she begins to plan the untimely demise of her childs annoyance.


If you read this blog, leave a comment!! Even if I don't know you, let me know if you have a favorite momism from the present or past.

Hubert, The Tiny Little Sucker Frog

Today started out with a little adventure. I got up and got my daughter dressed for school. She was in an bad mood, as per her usual. She is not a morning person. Who decided that it would be a good idea to have children have to get up at the butt crack of dawn to go to school? Her bus picks her up at 6:30, so it is still dark dark dark out when we go to the bus stop. The windows were covered in dew, so I rolled down the side windows on the van so I would actually be able to semi-see out them. As I rolled down the passenger side window I see a slimy little frog....let's call him Hubert.....suckered onto the outside of the window. I quickly start to try and roll the window back up before Hubert moves, but inevitably the window is moving slower than an 89 year old lady drives. I tried to cheer the window on.....Go! Go! Go!....in hopes it would close faster, but no such luck. I see the frog start to run....yes, Hubert the little sucker frog can run...and come up and over the edge of the window.

So now Hubert is sitting on the inside of the window as, of course, the slower than anything window comes to a close. This little frog is now sitting on the inside of my van staring at me with it's creepy little eyes. Crap! What do I do now?? I know!! I will just roll the window all the way back down and slowly "bump" him where the window goes down into the door until he jumps out! I am a genius! So I start to roll down the window. The window gets low enough that Hubert touches the door. He runs up a little. It's working. I keep tapping on the window button until the window is all the way down. Crap! Crap crap crap! He didn't jump out.

Now he is just sitting there on my door. I glance at the clock and realize if I can't get this frog out of my car in the next 30 seconds he will be going for his first car ride to the bus stop with us. Luckily my zombie child in the back is pretty much oblivious to what is going on. I don't think she would be too excited about having a frog in the car with us.

So I start scanning the van to see what is within arms reach that I can use to try and push Hubert out and onto the grass. There is nothing. I reach over and into my console for a pen. That would work. Ah ha!! I found one. I grab the pen and slowly lean towards the door. Uh oh! No frog. I looked on the seat to see if he had jumped in. Couldn't see him. I looked on the ceiling and the dashboard and then rechecked the door. No Hubert.

I have no idea what happened to him. I figure one of two things. He jumped out and is living a happy life with a tummy full of yummy bugs OR he jumped into the car and I will most likely come across a tiny, dried up little Hubert body the next time I clean the van out. (Which will mostly not be for a while since I hardly have to time to do things like shower and eat...let alone clean out a car!!)

At least it made the day interesting!! What a lovely way to start out the day! And now I must go and try to conquer Mt. Butchko(aka the laundry pile in the hallway)