Tuesday, April 8, 2008

If You Don't Mind, It Doesn't Matter

I hate shopping at Walmart. It sucks. It's crowded and it's stinky and I'm pretty sure that 1 out of every 3 people there have some sort of communicable disease.

I prefer to shop at the local grocery store. However, it tends to put a pretty big dent in my checkbook. It's nice, though. They always have really good buy one, get one deals there. They also bag your groceries for you and offer to carry them out to your car for you....a rarity these days. I usually say no to that, but I went the other day and it was pretty much dead. So I said "what the heck" and had the nice, young man carry (well, push actually) my groceries out for me. As we were approaching the car, he said to me "I always like to guess what kind of car people drive. I figured you would have an SUV" as we opened the door to my minivan.

"An SUV......interesting. Why?" I asked.

"I dunno." He replied.

Well, I am a minivan driver and proud of it. I have said in the past, I am perfectly fine with being uncool. I do find, though, as the days wear on, that I seem to be having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I am getting older. Now, don't get me wrong. I know I am, technically, still young...but I am getting older. Wanna know how I can tell? Well, I believe the dictionary refers to it as a small furrow, ridge, or crease on a normally smooth surface, caused by crumpling, folding, or shrinking. Only...mine aren't small. And I am pretty sure nothing on my body could be described as "shrinking" for at least the last 5 years. Each time I look in the mirror I see it staring back at me. A big, ugly wrinkle that has decided to take up residence on my forehead!

This darn blasted wrinkle has proven to become my nemesis. It does not matter how much beauty sleep I get. It does not matter what I smear on my face or what I put into my body. It. won't. vacate. I have thought about cutting me some bangs. That would at least hide it. That is, until I look back at the pictures of myself from the last time I had bangs and, trust me, the wrinkle is definitely a better option.

Wanna how else I know I am getting old??

I tried the low rise jeans. Keyword there being "tried." They seem to be pretty hip right now. All the cool, young ladies are wearing them. Unfortunately for me, hip huggers are not something that a woman who has had 4 babies in the last 7 years can pull off easily. Oh, and did I mention that my butt crack was showing constantly? It was not a pretty site. Oh well, who wants a cold butt crack, anyways??

Oh, and then, I was driving in my minivan the other day and a group of teenagers pulled up next to me. The driver was reclined WAY far back. I remember thinking to myself.... "Man, his abs must be tired from holding his head up to see over the steering wheel. I know mine would be." How pathetic is that?? OH, and not to mention the fact that they had their music playing so loudly that it just about made my ears bleed.

I won't even mention the fact that, to me, "staying up late" means I am up past 9.

Oh, and I have a friend who has a sister that is still a teenager. About two weeks ago, her sister went to "a 90's party." Ummm, since when were the 90's so long ago that you can use that as a party theme??

Wow. So this didn't really end up being at all about what I started writing about. In all honesty, I really don't mind getting older. Seriously!! I love my birthdays. Who doesn't like getting to eat your favorite kind of cake?? A cake that you didn't have to make yourself, I might add. And plus you get to blow out candles and make a wish. And we all know that, secretly, you make that wish hoping that birthday candles really are magic and it will totally come true.

I think that the best piece of evidence to support my theory that I am , in fact, getting older is that I don't really WANT to wear hip hugger jeans or play loud music or stay up past nine to go to a 90's party. I am perfectly content with sitting at home in my pajamas and dozing off on the couch while watching me some reality TV. :)

Ok, so anyways....after having said all of this, I will leave you a with one of my favorite quotes....

"Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter."
- Satchel Paige


utmomof5 said...

90's party? Who needs a party when we actually lived the 90's!!!!

I knew I was old when I no longer surprised people that I have 5 kids. I used to get "oh you are too young to have 5 kids". Now I get nothing but "oh, 5 kids that is alot". NOthing about my age. O'well, I figure I am like fine wine or cheese or a good steak. I get better with age. :)

BTW -- have missed your blog, hope all is well with your family and you have just been busy!

Dawn said...

I was laughing out loud as I read this. I can relate so well. I hate those low rise jeans. They seem to accentuate the one part of my body that I would like to hide! It's always a delight to read your posts- you are so funny ;)

Law Student Hot Mama said...

90's party?!? OMG! That's horrifying.

So are hip hugger jeans. NOBODY looks good in them except maybe Kate Moss. Everybody else gets the muffin top even if they're thin.

Also, sorry, but I hate HATE minivans. Though I'm trying to convince my husband to get one and use it as HIS car. Heh.

Bonnie said...

I am old too, and I also hate it when my butt crack gets cold. I am not quit as okay with it as you. But, I am probably older.

Family Adventure said...

The thing I hate the most about the low rise jeans is the muffin tops I seem to have developed. Where the heck did they come from?


Steph said...

I feel all the same things but I am 35! Sorry to tell you it only gets worse. I am an SUVer myself I couldn't break down and do the mini van thing gues it is my last grasp at thinking I am young and hip.

desirae said...

Too funny.. Cold Buttcracks.. I used to talk about how it looked like Christina Augulari (not spelled right.) didn't even have a buttcrack.. That girl could wear pants so low it was ridiculous.. I figured she'd had her butt crack sewn together.. It just wasn't normal..

Leah said...

it's the 90's party that kills me the most!!! aughhhh!!!

I haven't minded birthdays so far. Until this year. This year I'm 30 and I'm not looking forward to it at all. I have less than a month to get used to the idea. I'm not looking forward to it. AT ALL (did I mention I'm not looking forward to it????)

Otherwise, I like my minivan, just like you, and I like my quiet music (so as to hear the crazy conversations my children are holding in the back seats...LOL!)

Amanda B. said...

Love it! I agree completely- makes me proud to be getting old! I too hate low rise jeans and a 90's party seems quite silly. I drive a minivan and I am proud because it means I have 4 wonderful kids. :) I still love birthdays even though I am 30 now. :) Thanks for the post- it was fun to read!
(ps- not sure where she got the shirts- she was somewhere in FL on vacation- I don't even know where!)

Kellan said...

Yes, I am content on the couch too - watchin' some reality TV - I'm definintely old!

Take care - see you soon - Kellan

Katie said...

brilliant. very well said. I got made fun of a couple weeks ago by a younger cousin for growing up in the 90's. I was a little confused. I thought everybody grew up in the 90's. I was surprised to find out the 90's have been over for 8 years now. That's right. Almost an entire decade has past since the 90's. I am way too young to start feeling old.

By the way...I don't know how I missed out on being your friend. It seems you know quite a few of mine...Autumn, Amanda and Lisa all of links to you on their blogs. I've been jipped.

Cee said...

I have no kids yet and I drive - not just ANY minivan, but a Ford Aerostar from like 1990. It's the best vehicle I've ever owned! (also the only one).

I have to say, thank god for low rise jeans, sure my butt crack gets drifty when I bend over and I have to hike them up every ten minutes, but they are the only jeans my 20 week pregnant body can fit into (I wont buy the stretchy pants until I absolutely have no other options!)

One Scrappy Gal said...

I'm uncool too. I LOVE my minivan!!

And my granny panties!!

Hey... it's 11:41 am...time for a nap! :)

Motherhood for Dummies said...

I hate walmart too. they have horrible customer service, starting to get odd about returns, and have really peeved us a couple times....including giving me someone else's medication at the phyarmicy WHILE i was nursing! We don't like them too much

onthegomom said...

a 90's party?!? Really? Wow.

Wal-mart *gag*

I was laughing so hard over the low rise jeans... I don't have any either and thank god, I would scare young children, I am sure.

Kathy said...

I understand the feeling of getting older. I'm about to turn 30 and I'm dreading it! I think I'll just be 29 and holding for about 10 more years!


the dragonfly said...

The radio station I listened to in Kentucky/Tennessee had "Totally Retro Saturday Night"...which they defined as "Your favorite music from the 80s and 90s." I was horrified! When did the 90s become retro??!?


Shan said...

So funny and yet so very true! I could have written this myself.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Don't worry - the kids keep you young at heart!

Mommy said...

Great post - really funny :)
I find with Walmart it is all about location, location, location. We used to live near one that was a total Gotham City everytime we went in there. We would drive half an hour to come to the one we ~now~ live near bc of the less contagious atmosphere.

As for the jeans, I love low-rise bc I HATE "Mommy Jeans" that go up to your belly button. I just can't do the ultra-low-rise (bc I'm not 15).

90's Parties?!?! My gawd! I'm so old they aren't even doing 80's Parties to make me depressed anymore???!!!