Thursday, January 15, 2009

I Blame My Booty

When I was a teenager, I was into all kinds of sports. I played basketball and soccer. I dabbled in track and cross country. I even took a shot at volleyball once. I loved being active. I loved working out. I loved pushing myself until I could barely breathe, knowing that my muscles would be screaming at me 24 hours later.

I can remember when I was on the school basketball team they used to kill us during the first week of practice. By that second day, the muscles in my body hurt so bad I could barely move. I can also vividly remember smiling as I would run up and down the stairs in my house everyday after practice for that first horrific week. That feeling of my muscles screaming at me in agony was almost euphoric. IT made me feel alive.

Apparently, I was on CRACK!!!

I have started working out again. Mostly because I was sick of lying down with my family to watch a movie on our family movie night and having my children laugh at the fact that my butt jiggles when they smack it. I tried to tell them that their butts all jiggled too, but they didn't listen. In fact, when I grabbed Mikaily and pinned her down to show them, my boys took advantage of the fact that my hands were tied up holding Mikaily down and each of them picked a cheek and started smacking away at my butt. Little Punkers......

My. Body. Hurts. No, hurt isn't the right word. My body aches. No, my body is in ANGUISH! How could I ever have liked this feeling?? Could it possibly have felt like this back then?? Maybe it's worse because I am approaching 30...?? I doubt that, though. I am older now, but I worked like 17 times as hard when I was a teenager and on those various sports teams. It hurts when I stand. It hurts when I sit. IT HURTS WHEN I BREATHE!!! Our baby gate has become my nemesis. Do you have any idea how high those stupid things really are?? I am going to have to move a mini-fridge and a port-o-potty into our toy room so I don't have to attempt to scale that dang-blasted thing tomorrow. I can just imagine myself crashing to the floor after flinging my first leg over and then not quite clearing the toes on my second foot. I imagine I would probably knock out a tooth......or 3, on the hard, tile floor on the other side. Maybe I should just throw down one of the mattresses on the other side of the gate. Then I can just walk up to it and fling myself over with no worries of permanently maiming myself. This sucks.

Stupid jiggly butt. It's all your fault.

10 comments:

Jennifer said...

You didnt get the memo? Jiggly booty is now SEXY baby. The more like Jello it is, and the wider and _______ (fill in the blank with whatever you find wrong with your rear) it is, the sexier it is ;P

Thats what I tell myself anyway. It works for me, LMAO
~Jennifer
http://followingmycatracho.blogspot.com

Amanda B. said...

Oh, I so feel your pain.... literally- I have been working out too. But, unlike you- I have NEVER enjoyed a lot of activity- even when I am younger. Yep- I am lazy in that respect. But, I am trying.... stupid jiggly butts....

utmomof 5 said...

LOL!! Okay I so know the feeling. There are no words to exactly explain how your body feels! Good luck with the goal of a non giggly butt :)

Betsy said...

I'm sorry! HUGS lol. I am sure once my kids pass the little stage they will do the same thing to me... I guess more incintive to kick it now!

Shan said...

Oh I know how you feel. I just started working out again with the Wii. Oh the pain.

Brenda said...

I LOVE your blog! You make me laugh because you are so real! I truly understand! I'm pregnant with my 3rd right now, so not much exercising at the moment, but my favorite thing my boys tell me (even before I was pregnant) is that they like to cuddle with me cause my tummy is squishy and soft! I took my youngest to Old Navy with me the other day to try on maternity clothes and he said, "Mommy your tummy is getting fat!" I could hear others giggling in nearby dressing rooms! You have to love little ones!

Mrs. Blimes said...

you are too much val! hee hee but keep it up, your body will find its stride again!

Valarie said...

Marquesas- I am proud to say that my body no longer feels like I stepped out in front of a bus! Woo Hoo! There is still a lot of jiggle to run off, though!

Porters said...

This is one of the funniest posts you have written. I was in AZ and checking the blogs and couldn't stop laughing you have such a funny way of telling stories. Don't be to hard on yourself, exercing is highly over rated. We love you just the way you are!!!!!

Kathy said...

I'm not big on exercising either, I feel your pain. I love how you tell the story though! Hang in there!