My Little Fish

This week is Laney's last week at swim lessons. She is doing really well. Yesterday's lesson was water safety. AKA.... "Today is the day we are going to show you that, even though you THINK your baby is doing really well, she will still die if she falls in a pool because you aren't watching her." They had us bring the babies in full clothes...shoes and all. It was interesting. I figured Laney would sink like a rock. She didn't, but she also seemed to forget everything she had learned and just kind of flopped around and bobbed up and down like a buoy.

At one point in the lesson the insructor was like "Ok, all the moms get out of the pool." We were all confused because we hadn't done anything previously that didn't involve us being IN the water with the babies. We all climbed out and then, one by one, watched as they dangled our babies over the water....and dropped them....

The whole time I was sitting on the edge of the pool, waiting for it to be Laney's turn, thinking "I can't believe I actually voluntarily signed up for this...AND PAID MONEY for them to drown my child." She didn't drown, of course. And it was definitely eye opening.

I think it is the closest I have ever come to having a heart attack. Laney couldn't get herself turned around and get a hold of the wall (like she was supposed to and could have if she had been in just a bathing suit) but she did keep kicking her feet and bobbing her head in and out of the water. Which was a step up from the little boy who went right before her who ended up with a big air bubble in the back of his shirt that tipped him forward, FACE DONW, in the water. Where he stayed.....until the instructor scooped him out. I guess we all still have a long ways to go.

My husband and I are planning on taking our older three and throwing them into the pool, fully dressed, to see what they do. You can look forward to those pictures. :)

I know you have already seen pictures of her swimming like this....

Look close and you can see the little, yellow flippers she's been wearing when we go. It's soo cute!

But last night we got back a picture of her and I figured I would share with you what she looks like from a different point of view...



She's a fish!! Tee Hee!

More Than Meets the Eye

I met another celebrity this past week.

It's always so exciting. I hate the fact that I get start struck, though. I always try to play it cool, but I tend to end up looking like a big dork.

I had my children with me. In fact, this particular celebrity was someone that my 5 year old, Kyle, was soooooo excited to see. Of course, he apparently didn't inherit the freak-out gene from me. He was Mr. Cool.

It happened like this:

We pulled up into the parking lot at Target, just like we had every other time we have gone. I wasn't paying much attention to anything but the fact that there was a primo spot, right up front. I pulled in. Parked on the driver's side was a yellow car. I did notice, as I climbed out to open my side door to get my children out, that the car was very shiny and sporty looking.

As I opened the sliding door, Kyle climbed out of his seat and hopped out of the van. I heard him gasp a little. I felt a little tug on my shirt as I looked down at him.

"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Mom! Look!" He said as he pointed to the car.
"Ohhh, yeah. It's really coool, isn't it??" I said, because I am such a cool, hip mom.
He rolled his eyes at me. I continue to unload the other children.
"Nooooo. LOOK!" And he moved his pointed finger to with in an inch of the car.
I grabbed his hand and pulled it back. "Ky! Don't touch other people's cars."
"But mom! It's Bumblebee!!"
"Huh??" I said. I turned around and looked at where he was pointing on the car. I saw something, but it wasn't a bumblebee. What was it.....?? I looked closer. It was the autobot symbol, from Transformers.

DUH!!! It's BUMBLEBEE!!!

I looked closer and it did, in fact, look JUST like Bumblebee...black stripes and all. I was so bummed I didn't have my camera with me. Kyle would have LOVED having his picture taken with the car. I finally got Kyle to walk away by reminding him that Bumblebee was in hiding and probably didn't want anyone to know he was there.

As we walked away, Kyle said "Don't worry Bumblebee, I won't tell anyone it's you."

It was sooooo cute!!

Death By Snot

Currently, I have 4...count them 1.....2.....3.....4....sick children. They all seem to have been struck with one of THOSE colds. The cold that grabs onto the inside of their little noses and never EVER seems to go away. The cold that produces an endless amount of thick, gooey, stick-all-over-everything-it-comes-into-contact-with, green snot......and it's JULY! JULY!!!! They aren't supposed to have these colds in JULY! This is a January cold. July colds are supposed to come and go in a day and a half...TOPS! There is snot ALL OVER THE PLACE. There is snot in hair and on the couch. It's smeared on toys and across walls. There are little dirty, snot-filled tissues spilling out of every garbage can. It's endless!!! If, for some reason, this is the last blog post I do, it's because I have died....drowned....after my house filled up with SNOT!

She'll Always Be My Baby

We have this tiny, toy, baby stroller. Laney has decided it is not actually for baby dolls, but instead, is the perfect size for her cute, little, bottom!

Hazardous To Humans

Hazardous to Humans......that's what I read on the back of the bottle of Scrubbing Bubbles after my baby shot a stream of the stinky, white foam into her mouth.


My husband was brushing my oldest daughter's teeth last night and let Laney into the bathroom with them. I guess he became so enthralled with the whole molar scrubbing ordeal that he forgot about Laney for a few seconds. That's all the longer she needed to open the cabinet door (one of only a couple in the house that haven't had a child lock put on them yet), get out the bottle, take off the cap, insert into mouth and PRESTO.....she looked like she had been bit by a rabid dog and was foaming at the mouth.

Jason hollered for me. I came running because I could tell by the sound of his voice that something was wrong. He had her hanging over the sink already, and I immediately started scooping out the foam that was in her mouth before I even knew exactly what it was. I rinsed her mouth out with water the best I could and grabbed the bottle of Scrubbing Bubbles. I flipped it over and it read:

"Hazardous to Humans. If swallowed, call poison control immediately."

UGH!

So, we did. I was holding Laney is my arms as my husband dialed the number. I kept imagining that she was going to start convulsing in my arms. The guy my husband talked to didn't seem so worried, though. In fact, they talked for a total of about 30 seconds. He told Jason since we got to her so quickly it wasn't anything we needed to worry about. And that we just needed to watch her for the next little while to make sure she didn't get blisters in or around her mouth, because that would mean she was blistering inside as well (I'm sorry, WHAT?!?! Blistering inside!?!! HOW is that something we don't need to worry about??) But.... she didn't. She was fine.

The crappy thing is that I HATE HATE HATE scrubbing bubbles. I don't use it. I can't stand the way it smells. It reminds me of vomit and, therefore, makes me feel the need to hurl every time I smell it. So why in the world do I even have it in my house?!?! I guess I should stop procrastinating and get around to doing my spring cleaning and throwing out all the crap in my house I don't ever use......and put the last baby locks on the doors. That shouldn't be too hard, right?? You know, in all the spare time I have......

Just Keep Swimming.....

Ever wonder what a 12 month old looks like during swim lessons??


She has had 2 lessons so far. Pretty much it's just dunking her over and over and over and over.....getting her used to holding her breath when she goes underwater. I was skeptical, but it's actually working. She isn't swallowing water anymore. They use lots of different and unique ways of dunking her...like, singing songs then dunking her or sitting her on the edge of the pool and then dunking her or sitting her on a big, floating piece of foam and then, you guessed it....dunking her. Although, when I say "dunking her" that makes it sound so harsh and it's really not. This lady is REALLY good at what she does and Laney is actually having a really good time.

Would You Like Some Cheese With That Whine?!?

What is it about the telephone ringing that makes children go totally and completely psychotic?? Do they teach some sort of prenatal class in utero to fetuses? Is there some sort of "it's time for me to go absolutely nuts and flip out on my parental unit" hormone that is released at the sound of a phone ringing?

After my last post, (which you should read if you haven't. It's short and you'll get a chuckle out of it) I was talking on the phone with my friend and laughing about the story.

Immediately after the phone rang, my children started in.

"I'm hungry!!!" No, you aren't. You finished eating less than twenty minutes ago. You're bored. Go find something to do!!

"I need to go potty!!" Well, unless you are expecting me to insert a catheter, I suggest you get your cute little butt into the bathroom.

"But I'm bored!" Well, if you can't find something to do, I can find you something. The toys need picked up, your bed needs made. What about scrubbing the toilets? Wanna do that?? You could fold the mountain of laundry that has taken up residence on the couch (although, I don't really suggest that to them because, first off, they are too young and I would just have to go behind them and clean up their "folding" and second, they would find my hidden candy stash. It's the perfect place to hide candy, really. No one EVER gets to the bottom of that pile!)

"She looked at me!" Well, I bet you are guilty of the same or you wouldn't know she was looking in the first place.

"He hit me!" Well, learn how to duck faster, pokey!

Once, I read an article about this. It said the solution was to make eye contact with the child when he begins to whine. Then, hold up one finger so he knows you have acknowledged him. Ummm, yeah. I bet the person that wrote that article doesn't have any children. If they did, they would know that sticking a finger up in the air when a small child is upset is NOT a good idea. You will end up with a bloody stump after the child bites your finger off.

Another suggestion was to wait until the evening to make the phone call when your spouse was home. First off, uhhhh, there are a BOOTY-load of single parents out there. That kinda shoots a big, fat hole through that suggestion. Second, I don't know about you, but I am sure my husband would love it if he came home from working hard all day and I was like, "Sweet!! Time for Mommy to get on the phone and chat it up with her friends. See ya! Wouldn't wanna be ya!" and shoved the baby in his arms as I ran into the bedroom and jumped on the bed, phone in hand.

At least I know I am not alone in this battle. I know this because when I am on the phone with my friends, I can hear their children in the background....

"Can I watch TV? I want some milk. He just flicked me! Where is my doll?? What day is it? Woah! Did you hear that burp??"

The worst, though, is when you are on the phone and the whiney one comes up to you and asks for something that is completely incoherent. Like the other day, Evan came up to me. Now, the majority of the time I can figure out what he is saying, but when he whines he tends to be really, REALLY nasally. I know that a good parent just wouldn't respond to the griping, but, I am weak. A majority of the time, I give in to stop the insufferable grumbling. So, Evan was whimpering and climbed into my lap, while I was trying to have a conversation, and said:

"Mooooooooomb! I wada sis do."

Now, I interpreted that as "Mom, I wanna kiss you." and I puckered up.

"NOOOOOOO! I....(pause)....wada sis do."

Oh, ok second guess......"I wanna sit with you?"

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!" He said with tears welling up in his eyes. "I....(pause)....wada......(pause).... sis do."

"I love my sis, too??" I know, REALLY bad guess....

"UGH! NOOOO!"

"Ummmm, I have no idea what you are saying. I want to assist you?"

At his point in the conversation, he clinched his teeth as he blew out three deep breaths as if to say "Hey! Moron! Do you NOT speak English??"

So, I called in reinforcements, because Mikaily can understand everything her younger brother says.

"I wada sis do." He said to Mikaily, calmly.

"He says he wants a tissue."

"OHHHhhhh! Is that what you are saying?? You want a tissue??"

"Uh-Huh!"

Apparently I don't speak English......and I went and got him a tissue. Of course, after I was up and in the kitchen getting a tissue, he asked me for a drink. Which he had been whining for and I had already told him he needed to wait for. My friend found this amusing. I was just glad I figured out what he was saying before his head exploded. That would have just been one more thing for me to clean up. Something tells me my swiffer wouldn't have been able to handle that mess...

So, has anyone come up with a good suggestion for dealing with "can't talk on the phone without hearing the moan" syndrome? Or, can someone tell me the exact does of Benadryl I need to give to my children to knock them out for, oh, say 30 minutes? I would easily be able to catch up with my friends then!! ;) Don't worry, I wouldn't really do that....probably. hehe